Oh kale, no!

What’s the obsession with kale lately?  I see it absolutely everywhere these days.  I made myself a salad at Whole Foods, and kale was the main ingredient in what was labeled a “superfood” salad, as if it contained magical powers.   So of course I got some of it.

Heretofore I thought kale was a garnish you’re not supposed to eat.  Its only job is to sit on the plate beside your steak serving as a cheat to good nutrition, as in, “There’s something green on my plate and therefore I’m a health nut,” or something along those lines.

It seems someone has made kale into an entire industry engaging in hostile takeovers in the leafy greens sector .  Maybe the kale lobbyists in Washington were just slow in getting around to their jobs, but if there’s an index fund heavy on Big Kale, sign me up!  I’m just not sure I want to eat it.

The thing I have against kale is not really kale itself.  It’s the pictures of kale.  And to be honest it’s not even really the pictures of kale.  It’s the pictures like the above picture of kale.

Let me explain.

Look at how beautiful that is just sitting there, all green and texture-y.  Just looking at it makes me feel relaxed (or maybe this glass of Malbec is doing that).  So many blogs, websites, magazines, and catalogs have these amazing photographs of simple, ordinary things and they all look so….well, it’s hard to find the perfectly appropriate word because that word would vary depending on the picture.

Whatever verbal descriptions pictures may evoke, they all tend to have the same effect on me.  Namely, I compare those images to the everyday things in my life….and it makes me feel like I’m starring in a real-life Sanford and Son episode.

I’ll be honest, kale has never looked that good in my presence.

   

I’ve never felt the extent of serenity felt by this downward-dogger.

My fork and knife never seem to meet one another in such a graceful yet casual way.  I can almost hear the fork politely yet confidently asking the knife in a husky voice, “Do you mind if I lie across you like this?” knowing good and well the knife is not going to deny her request.

I literally have found myself staring at a picture of a bucket of dirt on someone’s blog and thinking what a great mom and wife and human being she must be.  WHAT?!

I’m sure there’s a lesson here.  Something about advertising and consumerism, etc.  But I love my life, and I feel content, thankful, and happy with all I have.  So why am I simultaneously drawn to and put off by all these wonderful images?  Do you ever suffer from PTPPD…post-traumatic pretty photo disorder?

Maybe the answer is just getting the kale outta here.

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