I wrote an e-mail similar to what’s below to my daughter last football season, but it seems especially appropriate today with Tebow’s departure from the NFL:
Sports these days is becoming a sore subject. I am at once happy and sad about Peyton’s success on the field Monday, as I also am concerning the Jets’ win. If I were the type of person to appeal to a sports deity I would definitely say he/she has some sort of controversy with me right now. Not believing in the power of my fan-dom in the first place in that it has any effect on the outcome of games or even who is put into the game for longer than two snaps, my inclinations are only confirmed in the fact that NOTHING is going the way I would choose in the perfect JJ Stone’s-World-of-Sports scenario.
I should have seen this reality rising to expeditiously smack me in the face since in that very same world the following truths exist: I run marathons; John Elway’s team never wins; Michelle Beadle is on SportsNation; Tebow plays quarterback, free safety, kicker, special teams, coaches, and announces every football game, although I’m beginning to tire of hearing how he’s wanted to be quarterback since he was a little boy; I have a black belt in karate or some other Asian-sounding thing; you go to the Olympics in boxing but none of your blood is ever spilled forth from your beautiful face; child #3 wouldn’t have a torn ACL; child #2 would still be playing baseball; Daddy would admit that I’m better than him in basketball.
So you see, I’m in quite a quandry. My biggest sports “victory” this week was that child #3’s fantasy team pulled out a come-from-behind victory going into Monday Night Football with Eric Decker’s good game for the Broncos. His bench outscored his starting lineup because he benched Aaron Rodgers accidentially (who had 39 fantasy points) and played Andrew Luck (who had a whopping 5 fantasy points). This all begs the question….when your greatest satisfaction in sports for the week can be attributed to your son’s fantasy team victory, how many standard deviations from reality does that make you? Sports inhabit the entertainment realm in the first place, and now we have fantasy sports on top of that? With all these extra dimensions of reality maybe string theory is truly that unification model physicists are searching for.